we will never understand why...

[pink]

our little girl was taken from us. on friday may 1st, we had our anatomy ultrasound with the doctor to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. our appt was at 1030. at about 11:15 we got called back. we we're so excited to confirm it was a girl. we never in a million years expected what was to come. as the tech started the ultrasound she was quiet. she had asked if i had every had a miscarriage before, which i hadn't. my hubbie was watching the screen, i couldn't see it cuz of the way i was laying. i kept asking him if he could see the baby and he just shook his head yes. after about 10 minutes of the tech not saying anything (and me thinking she was a total ******) she looks at me and says "im sorry." thats when i lost it. i couldn't breathe, i wasn't understanding. i was bawling. she said she needed to get the doctor to take a look. it was too late. our little girl was gone. after the doctor came and looked she said we needed to go up to labor and delivery. i knew it was real. why else would i need to go up there at 20 weeks? i was in shock. nothing seemed real. i felt lost. when we got up to labor and delivery the delivery doctor came in. he informs us that our little girl passed away at about 17 1/2 weeks. that's 2 1/2 weeks ago! we're in shock. we're confused. we wanna know why. for 2 weeks our baby was gone, and i never had any idea. i never had cramping. i never had bleeding. i never had anything but a NORMAL pregnancy. blood work was normal. ultrasounds were normal. heartbeat was strong. there was never any sign that our pregnancy would fail. so at about 130 i was admitted into labor and delivery. i had to have our baby. they started to induce labor at about 2:40pm on friday. after a long night of tears, confusion, questions and hurt...i delivered our baby at 9:19am saturday may 2. she was sooo tiny and sooo beautiful. she was 7 inches long and 5 ounces. i am so overwhelmed with emotions. i am angry, i am hurt, i am confused, i am sad, i am everything but good. it just doesn't seem real. one day im pregnant, the next im not. its so hard to understand. what makes it harder is they dont know why. im healthy. all my blood work was normal. the baby looked fine. i just wanted to share this with you ladies cuz i feel so close to you. in the little time that i was here, it felt like a lifetime. eventhough this is goodbye, i would like to stick around and still be a part of this DDC. i wanna see everyone else continue strong and i cant wait to see your babies.

[LGregory]

I know I'm not part of your DDC, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Cinnamon320]

OH Jennifer, I don't even know what to say. I am so heartbroken for you. I can't stop crying. This is my worst nightmare coming true. I have miscarried before, but it was early. This is so different. I have some miscarriage books that really helped me, but it took awhile to get to that point. I had to mourn, I had to cry, I had to be angry. I am so very sorry for you and your family.

Please stick around if you feel up to it. You'll always be a part of this DDC.

[GranolaBoho]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm so sad for you and your husband, I just can't imagine the devastation you both must feel.



I hope they do testing on the baby to see if it gives you any extra clues as to why. It's hard to deal with the loss of a child when you have no clues as to why it happened. Please remember you're not alone and that were all thinking of you.

[MommytoDrew]

I'm not a member of your ddc either, but just wanted to say I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the amount of pain you are in right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[NaillijB]

I know I'm not a part of a DDC, but I just wanted to say that I went though something fairly similar just over 7 months ago. I lost my son at 16 weeks. I gave birth to him on my shower floor and was ambulanced to the ER. I felt the same way you do, and I can tell you, you are not alone. I am SO SO SOOO sorry for your loss! If you ever need to talk to someone who knows how you feel, please PM me.

[invisible_ink]

Jennifer I am so, so very sorry. I'm in shock, and crying for you, and I can't even imagine the hurt you're going through, the pain you're feeling, and the emotions you're having to grapple with. Please know that we all love you, and that we're all here for you if ever you need the support. I don't have any words of comfort, but I do wish I could hug you and tell you everything is going to be alright. You're in my prayers sweetheart.

[Tes]

omg.

I don't even know what to say.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Cindy]

I know I am not apart of this DDC either. I just wanted you and your Husband to know that you are in my thoughts & prayers. I wish I could reach out and give you a huge hug. I hope they can do some testing and give you some answers.

[LucysMommy03]

Oh I know I am not part of this board but this story hits home with me! I have the same thing happen at 15 weeks but the baby disappeared they told me and I had to have a D&C. I am so sorry for your loss!