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Cant accept it - Pregnant After Loss

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Old September 7th, 2013, 05:14 AM   #1
jbulleyment

 
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Cant accept it

I just can't accept this pregnancy. I am 4 weeks today, I found out I was pregnant again 4 days ago. This is my 5th pregnancy. I have one son, then 3 miscarriages. I am over analysing every symptom, I am almost crying with stress, I have not joined the ddc and cannot bare to allow myself any sort of happiness over my bfp. Whilst TTC, I was so excited at the prospect of becoming pregnant again, even with my history. Now it's here, I am nothing but terrified and depressed. I am almost hoping to start bleeding just to put me out of my misery, to stop me walking around on eggshells. In 2 days I am going to buy some more tests, if I have a super dark line, I will relax slightly. I don't expect any responses to this, just needed to write it down and have a rant


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Old September 7th, 2013, 05:40 AM   #2
Divamama
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I know this is hard honey. I have no advice, just hugs. A day at a time and be kind to yourself is about the best I can come up with.


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Old September 7th, 2013, 05:47 AM   #3
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Thank you so much for your kind words both here and on my TWW thread. I felt it was best to post this sort of subject here instead of TTC as it seems unfair on everyone else to be so messed up over a bfp. I did not expect to feel this way, I thought I finally had a clear head when it came to my losses and TTC. Argh I just wish I could relax! I am wound so tight, I have been yelling at my toddler for days and snapping at DH constantly. I haven't hung out with any of my friends since my bfp


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Old September 7th, 2013, 05:51 AM   #4
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Excuse me miss but DONT ever feel like you can't post something like this in TTC. We all are there for you wether you have got your BFP or not. We won't judge you, just listen and try to help. If you need me PM me


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Old September 7th, 2013, 05:53 AM   #5
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Haha thank you I have still been stalking you girls, just feeling a bit lost :/


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Old September 7th, 2013, 06:26 AM   #6
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Totally understandable, I felt awkward posting my worries in TTC once I got my BFP too - nothing against the wonderful women there, it's just the feeling that you don't want to hurt their feelings and that you "should be" happy. The women in TTC are all wonderful, it's no reflection on them, it's just the fear warring with the desire not to "complain" when you know they would give anything to be in your shoes. This forum seems like the perfect place to come and air those feelings, provided there are others who post in here regularly, of course. Those here would totally get where you're coming from and those from TTC who feel able to offer support will still follow your posts here.

Meanwhile, I've had a great deal of success with homeopathy this pregnancy. My history is different than yours but I had a lot of unresolved issues from my last (traumatic) birth, to the point where nearly ten years and two therapists later, talking about it still had the power to reduce me to floods of tears. Between major stress related to my DD's health, my worries about this upcoming birth, not sleeping and some other stuff, I really wasn't coping a few weeks ago - stressing out, crying all the time and snapping at everyone. I went to see my homeopath and talked through everything with her; she prescribed me with a remedy and it has made a HUGE difference, I've been feeling much calmer and able to cope with what's thrown at me, I'm sleeping better as well. I'd highly recommend it.


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Old September 7th, 2013, 06:40 AM   #7
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Thank you so much for your support, that exactly how I feel. I am definitely going to get testing if I miscarry again. Or whenever I feel ready to book my first drs app, I will definitely be talking to him about my mental state. I will actually look into your form of therapy thank you! Thank you for your constant support, I actually feel slightly more relaxed now after just saying things out loud you know? Having someone listen. Good luck for your birth this time Hun, I'm sure everything will be fine at least you and your team will be prepared for any challenges this time.


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Old September 7th, 2013, 06:48 AM   #8
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Glad it helped a little saying it out loud (so to speak)! Even if we can't do much beyond listening, at least we can do that!! And thanks for the well wishes, I do feel better prepared and supported this time. Keeping everything crossed for you that this time is it for you and you're carrying your rainbow right now!!


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