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down then up and down again. - Gentle Whispers of Hope

Old December 18th, 2012, 12:54 AM   #1
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down then up and down again.

so you'all know my news. another tumor. its not so bad, except that if it keeps growing at the rate it has been, then im fearful that by the time we are ready to try (hopefully end of 2013) they will say i can't because i need surgery. it could take 10 years, or it could never get to 5cm. but i dont seam to have the best luck.

then at the place we went to eat tonight i saw the most adorable little boy. maybe 6 or 7 months. he was standing up in the booth and doing that little knee-bend wobbly dance that babies do and slapping his hand on the table. if there was such a thing as death by cuteness i would be a goner. i want that so bad. and im willing to wait. i know that i want the best possible environment for my child and that means me being well.

but if i keep having things then ill never get to that point. i have the rest of tonight to mope. its my rule. one day. i have met so many amazing people who are worse off than me in my travels to doctors and hospitals. a lady with two kids with a failing liver transplant and failing kidneys due to the transplant meds. so in that regard i am heathy(ish) im alive i have many years ahead of me. out of respect for her (and many others), and to stay sane(ish) i have this day.

the rest, ill deal.


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Old December 18th, 2012, 06:51 AM   #2
NTNP 9yrs, TTC 6yrs

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I'm sorry Kels You deserve to have your mope day, if it was me I would be a grouch for days, even though I know there is worse off. It doesn't make your news and feelings any less valid. You have a great attitude about the whole thing Kels and I admire you for that! I really do hope that it stops growing and that you guys get to stick with your plan to start trying at the end of next year.

Be kind to yourself in the coming few days as you process the news! We are here if you need to get it off your chest!


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Old December 18th, 2012, 11:11 AM   #3
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You have every right to mope, get angry, whatever. It is completely unfair!!!! I am so sorry you have to deal with this again.

Be strong, you will get your dancing baby... And they will be an awesome bouncy dancer baby!!!


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Old December 18th, 2012, 11:51 PM   #4

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Kels, being up and down emotionally is all part of a life filled with medical conditions. I've been there with my DH. It's a struggle to have to manage and juggle things (meds, doc appointments, hospital visits, not getting a simple cold, etc!) and still always be positive. I don't know how you do it! My DH is the same way (for the most part) - he's positive and always looking at the bright side. I need people like that in my life. I can easily get lost in the darkness, so having those around me who are willing to shine the light is very important. I'm really glad you're an active part of LTTTC. We'll be your light right now


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