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Sinking and can't pull myself up - Gentle Whispers of Hope

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Old October 3rd, 2012, 06:20 PM   #1
Triskele
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Crying Sinking and can't pull myself up

I am struggling and I am not sure how to pull myself out of this funk We hit the 6yrs TTC last month and ever since I have been sinking into a black hole with no light inside and I don't know how to pull myself out of it. I am trying to throw my attention into studying as my module started at the end of September, but even that is proving difficult as everywhere I turn even my fellow students are pregnant or partners are expecting, it just seems that everywhere I turn it is there smack bang in front of me I am losing all hope and it is one thing I was trying hard not to do.

The local NHS board is also changing a lot of their protocols and I am terrified that our help with IVF may be affected, we have been on the waiting list for over a year and a half and the waiting list doesn't seem to be getting any shorter

I don't think I can really take much more of this heartache, I feel like I am defective, and that this is all my fault as DH's swimmers are great. My body is the problem we haven't been able to have the baby we long for My heart is aching and I am not sure where else to turn

AF is also on her way, I started spotting and cramping earlier so I know she will be here soon, My body is doing what it does best, fail me. If my cycles aren't super long they are super short. I have tried taking a step back, and getting some head space but no matter what I do, it is at the forefront of my mind.

Will there be light at the end of this dark place? as of right now I don't feel like there will be


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Old October 3rd, 2012, 06:36 PM   #2
BratGirl
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Hopefully the NHS won't be changing anything IVF related. I am so sorry that AF is on her way.



I don't know if there will be any light at the end. Never give up hope. I know that is tough to do sometimes (I gave up hope plenty of times on our journey), but good things will come your way, one way or another.


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Old October 3rd, 2012, 07:06 PM   #3
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I know how you are feeling. I hate that any of us are going through this. I really hope the end of all this IF crap is soon to be over with for all of us.


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Old October 3rd, 2012, 09:17 PM   #4
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Caillean, I know things seem so dark right now. I'm right there with you. It seems so overwhelming. It seems like sometimes it would be easier to just give up. But, sometimes, even in the darkest of places, a little sliver of light can appear. You just have to find it. So, take a look around. I know you'll see it Your body may not be cooperating, but your heart is full of love and you have so much support here. We'll be your light right now. When you have your little one in your arms, this darkness will be drowned out by their smile and their little hands and feet and by their beautiful eyes.

Until then, we'll keep the light on for you


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Old October 4th, 2012, 06:13 AM   #5
FirstTimeMom27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miette


Caillean, I know things seem so dark right now. I'm right there with you. It seems so overwhelming. It seems like sometimes it would be easier to just give up. But, sometimes, even in the darkest of places, a little sliver of light can appear. You just have to find it. So, take a look around. I know you'll see it Your body may not be cooperating, but your heart is full of love and you have so much support here. We'll be your light right now. When you have your little one in your arms, this darkness will be drowned out by their smile and their little hands and feet and by their beautiful eyes.

Until then, we'll keep the light on for you
I couldn't have said it better!
We love you and are here whenever you need our support in whatever it may be. I truly feel you will get your baby sooner than later. I pray the insurance or whatever doesn't effect your ivf.


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Old October 4th, 2012, 07:03 AM   #6
Triskele
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Thank you so much for all your kind words, it really means a a lot to me, especially now, when I have no one around me to turn to except from dh. He is and has been wonderful but he can only really understand so much and I know he hates to see how down I have been, and with everything that has been going on for him health wise over the last year I feel selfish for burdening him with my own pain, as he has had enough pain of his own to deal with. TTC, and everything that comes with it has been so overwhelming of late, it seems like no matter what I do, or where I go, it is there as a constant reminder. The NHS has been having all the funding stripped from it in many areas of the UK, with the current idiots who are running the country are trying to privatise most areas of it, but nothing has been said about their funding for fertility treatments of late which has seriously left me terrified that it will be hit next I guess only time will tell what happens next within the NHS. It is seriously making me thinking long and hard about the Scottish Independence vote that is coming in 2014, but that in itself is another thread entirely.

Thank you again for all of your kind words, it means a lot that I can come here and find support from you all who know what its like to be on this path.


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Old October 4th, 2012, 07:34 AM   #7
Jamc609
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miette


Caillean, I know things seem so dark right now. I'm right there with you. It seems so overwhelming. It seems like sometimes it would be easier to just give up. But, sometimes, even in the darkest of places, a little sliver of light can appear. You just have to find it. So, take a look around. I know you'll see it Your body may not be cooperating, but your heart is full of love and you have so much support here. We'll be your light right now. When you have your little one in your arms, this darkness will be drowned out by their smile and their little hands and feet and by their beautiful eyes.

Until then, we'll keep the light on for you
Agreed, I couldn't have said it better either. Lots of hugs to you


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Old October 6th, 2012, 07:09 PM   #8
muttmatch
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TTC can be a really dark path sometimes. It is really nice to have the light of all these wonderful people on here to help. I am so sorry you are feeling down and all the stress and worry is building. It will be all right. I am sure of it. You always have us to talk to.


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