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Baby Fever but my hubby says NO MORE - Journals

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Old March 30th, 2013, 11:57 PM   #1
Mavriks.Momma


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Baby Fever but my hubby says NO MORE

I'm looking for advice... My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years and have a 2 1/2 year old son named Mavrik. I am in my junior year of college and he graduates with his automotive technician diploma this spring. We have lived together in our home for 3 years. I have TERRIBLE TERRIBLE baby fever... Whenever I try to talk to him about having another baby once I graduate with my degree, he ALWAYS says he doesn't want anymore kids. He told me tonight that men never WANT more kids, they are always just oops pregnancies. I would have another one now if he would let me but I keep saying "once I graduate" to try to reassure myself that he will be ready for another one by then... But it's only a year away and I'm starting to get worried...

Any advice?


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Old April 1st, 2013, 05:10 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mavriks.Momma
I'm looking for advice... My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years and have a 2 1/2 year old son named Mavrik. I am in my junior year of college and he graduates with his automotive technician diploma this spring. We have lived together in our home for 3 years. I have TERRIBLE TERRIBLE baby fever... Whenever I try to talk to him about having another baby once I graduate with my degree, he ALWAYS says he doesn't want anymore kids. He told me tonight that men never WANT more kids, they are always just oops pregnancies. I would have another one now if he would let me but I keep saying "once I graduate" to try to reassure myself that he will be ready for another one by then... But it's only a year away and I'm starting to get worried...

Any advice?
Only advice I can give is have a heart to heart with him. let him know what your going through (I know what your going through my son is almost 4 and he will turn 5 before we will even be able to start TTC) let him know that it is important to you that you love him and want to go through the journey with him again. some men just dont understand what its like to be a woman where your entire body is screaming at you to go DTD and you just cant ignore it long. This is one of those areas where it is very much better to be very open and honest with your man.


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Old April 1st, 2013, 09:07 PM   #3
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Jazz gave some great advice.

The only advice I can give is maybe just wait a little longer. I'm not sure of your age but maybe he's not ready for another yet. But it's def time to have a heart to heart.

Good luck!!


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Old April 6th, 2013, 08:45 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mavriks.Momma View Post
I'm looking for advice... My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years and have a 2 1/2 year old son named Mavrik. I am in my junior year of college and he graduates with his automotive technician diploma this spring. We have lived together in our home for 3 years. I have TERRIBLE TERRIBLE baby fever... Whenever I try to talk to him about having another baby once I graduate with my degree, he ALWAYS says he doesn't want anymore kids. He told me tonight that men never WANT more kids, they are always just oops pregnancies. I would have another one now if he would let me but I keep saying "once I graduate" to try to reassure myself that he will be ready for another one by then... But it's only a year away and I'm starting to get worried...

Any advice?
I agree that you need to talk with him. Also - to the bolded statement, that is 100% false. Some men don't want kids, some men do. Just like women. It sounds like he is trying to ignore it right now for other reasons and that was just an excuse phrase that he could throw out there to scare you off from asking more about it.
Ask him why he feels like he is done having kids instead of just "do you want more". Maybe he's anxious about finding a job or making sure he can support you and 2 kids, maybe he is anxious about possibly getting married in the future, maybe his friends or family have mentioned something about it that made him nervous. Make sure you find out the "why" part because I bet he may want more kids, but has other things that are keeping him from saying yes now. Also, he might think if he says "yes I do want more" that you might change your mind and say "OK, how about sooner instead of a year from now?" I know my DH tends to think that if he flat out agrees with me on something I'm talking about for the future, that it'll happen faster than he hopes, so definitely give it time too. (You also said that you'd have one now if he would let you, so maybe he knows that if he says yes, that it could happen sooner than he is ready for) If he keeps saying no, I would wait until you're closer to graduating. Being graduated and having a more stable life may change his mind on things.


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Old April 15th, 2013, 06:21 AM   #5
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Maybe in a year or two he'll feel different, he may just feel that because 'right now' is a bad time he never wants more, but that might change.


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Old April 25th, 2013, 08:20 PM   #6
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I agree that you guys should have a talk. I wouldn't get too down & out about it yet, as you still have a year to go. By then, he may feel differently. If not, then I would suggest another talk. IDK


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Old May 27th, 2013, 11:20 PM   #7
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My bf said the same thing when Charlie was 2. I was devastated. I almost left him (he doesn't know that), but I couldn't imagine my life with only one child. Now of course, had it come down to it, I would never have left him. But I held so much resentment towards him for not allowing me to complete my 'dream family.' I got pregnant whilst using contraception, unfortunately we miscarried, but it made bf realise that he wanted a baby too. Now I'm not saying trick him, but it is something you need to discuss over and over and over until you are both comfortable with the plan. Men are usually the only one that can truly think clearly based on facts. Annoying, but true. When you think about a baby, it makes no difference if you have one now , you'll make it work and it will be great. This is true, but your partner is thinking, what difference does 3 more years make? Well still have 2 awesome kids and both be in good jobs and more financially comfortable. Unfortunately, this is also true. Haha. It sucks that the one thing woman want more than anything has to be a team effort lol. Try and see where each other are coming from and see if you can reach a compromise. TTC will be such a lovely experience for you both if you are both happy about it all good luck!!


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Old May 28th, 2013, 11:12 AM   #8
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This member only posted this one post and hasn't been on TMP since April 16th. Just wanted to let you all know in case you were waiting on a response.


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