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It's so strange... - Rainbow After the Storm

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Old March 27th, 2013, 09:21 AM   #1
Laura32

 
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It's so strange...

I'm torn. A part of me wants to lay low and just keep waiting for the results of my next HCG on Monday before I even start to have hope this will work out... and I really want to wait until we have a heartbeat before I tell my parents and MIL.

But then... this other part of me just wants to be excited and doesn't care about being cautious. Overall I am mildly nervous, but for the most part I'm really calm... like everything will be okay this time. And I purposely keep trying to fight that feeling back. To me it seems careless and a good way to get hurt. I've been down this road so I should know how to approach this. But as each day passes it becomes harder to fight back the excitement.

It's so frustrating! I remember my first pregnancy when I just assumed a BFP = a baby to take home. I really wish I had that innocence back...


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Old March 27th, 2013, 12:02 PM   #2
roziecakes
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I could have written this post. It's so hard to be so excited but have all these nagging fears. I won't sugar coat it, once you've had a loss, or two, or three, pregnancy is never the same. Sending all kinds of good vibes that you'll get that heartbeat to show to your parents, and a sweet rainbow baby to take home at the end.


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Old March 29th, 2013, 09:11 AM   #3
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Thank you, Roz!!!

Each day I feel a little better and little more optimistic... Took another FRER yesterday and the test line is already darker than the control! I can't tell you how that made me.

I'm so... excited for Monday. A little nervous yes, but excited. I think once a doubling is confirmed and my progesterone holds, I'll breath a huge sigh of relief. In my head I have these milestones I have to meet.

1. Make it past 4 weeks (I'll be 5 wks on Sunday!)
2. HCG doubling and progesterone stays above 15.
3. Make it past 6 weeks.
4. Heartbeat.
5. NT scan is normal. / Make it past 12 weeks.


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Old March 30th, 2013, 11:42 AM   #4
koa
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I can definitely relate! I too thought BFP = bringing a baby home. Like Roz says, subsequent pregnancies will NEVER be the same. But what helped me get through was celebrating "I am pregnant TODAY" and all the little milestones! I hope that the sense of calm you feel is a great indicator of things to come!!

{{ sent from my iPhone }}


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Old April 2nd, 2013, 05:17 PM   #5
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I feel EXACTLY the same. Hopefully this is it for both of us


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Old April 4th, 2013, 11:51 PM   #6
roziecakes
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I make my milestones like that too, in regards to losses; my first big one is to make it past 9 weeks and 2 days, because that's how long my first pregnancy (and loss) lasted; and then it's to second trimester, and onward and so forth. I have a good feeling about this time for you too. It seems like everything is right!


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Old August 18th, 2013, 06:52 PM   #7
mmekatiebug
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I know it was a long time ago that Laura made this post, and I'm so happy everything has gone well for her and for the rest of you! But I got my BFP a few days ago and I am terrified. I hate that I'm having a really hard time being happy because I keep thinking something will go wrong. I'm so nervous about getting betas done, I'm afraid my levels won't be doubling and it'll totally break my heart. This pregnancy feels so different from my first one; I have symptoms like nausea and loss of appetite, my breasts and nipples are very sore, I've been really tired, had some mild cramping and stretching in my uterus, etc. I never had any symptoms with my first pregnancy. But I'm worried that my HPTs aren't getting dark fast enough and every time I go to the bathroom I dread seeing blood. I just keep catching myself assuming something will go wrong. I keep reminding myself that Roz and K and Laura and Katt and Marie and Paige and Cindy and Cindi etc etc etc have all gone through this and ended up with happy healthy babies so there's no reason to think the same won't happen to me. I just can't help worrying and then I feel like the stress is gonna make it even worse... I'm just praying my betas this week are rising normally and maybe I'll be able to relax a little...


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Old August 18th, 2013, 07:38 PM   #8
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Hey, we have all been there. It IS terrifying. And while I can honestly say it will not completely go away, it does get less paralyzing as you pass each milestone. I'm past the half way point and I still can't wrap my head around having her. I kinda panic at the thought because my mind races with everything that can still go wrong. So, I try not to think much about her birth and what it will mean. I just... can't. So I focus on the milestone... making it past previous m/c times, hcg doubling, heartbeat, 2nd tri, etc. I think this technique has pretty much gotten us all through it. Well that and each other...

Don't forget that Katie. No matter how much time passes we will always be here for you no matter what.


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