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Thinking about adoption - Adoption/Foster Parenting

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Old January 27th, 2014, 09:44 AM   #1
muttmatch
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Thinking about adoption

So my husband and I just had our miracle baby boy after a long battle with infertility. (5 years, 4IUI's 4 IVF's, a Surgery and 2 FETs)

We both don't want to go through fertility treatments again, but we do not want an only child. We were thinking about looking into adoption. The main reason we hadn't tried earlier was the cost. We do want a baby and it just seems like adoption is so expensive. We live in Massachusetts, and I hear going through the state is less expensive, but very hard and much longer process. I am just not sure where to start at all, but I feel if it is going to take a long time, we should start now.

How do you start?


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Old January 27th, 2014, 09:48 AM   #2
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I have no knowledge about MA as I worked with Adoption Rhode Island but I would check out mareinc.org as a possible starting point.

I admire you and your DH for pursuing adoption.

Will you foster to adopt?

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Old January 27th, 2014, 09:58 AM   #3
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We could do foster to adopt. We do want to do a baby under a year if possible. That's why starting early. I have a background in child development and psychology which may help, but we don't do day care. The baby comes to work with us as would a sibling until they start an early childhood educational program. I don't know how that will affect our eligibility. We are financially stable, just not traditional..lol.


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Old January 27th, 2014, 10:02 AM   #4
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see now MARE.INC only does 6 years and older and mostly special needs. We do want to get a baby, and prefer not special needs.


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Old January 27th, 2014, 10:04 AM   #5
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I would contact the state agency office in your area to have a home study done.

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Old January 28th, 2014, 09:28 AM   #6
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I don't know anything first hand about adoption, however, I know the Chels was looking into it at one point (before her surprise BFP) and posted a very detailed thread about the realities of state foster to adopt in regards to the home study, the classes, how it works, etc. Granted, I'm not sure what state she was in, and it does differ state to state, but many things are the same. The thread is in this forum, so I would start by looking for that. I will also say, based on some of my friends who work as social workers, one big thing to understand about foster to adopt, or adopting from the state is that many of these children go YEARS in the foster system before being free to be adopted out. Some are NEVER legally free to be adopted. The primary goal of foster care is reunification with the birth parent. Many of the kids who are legally free for adoption are special needs. Doesn't mean that there aren't non-special needs kids who are able to be adopted, but just know what you're getting into emotionally. MamaT who posts in the LTTC forum has done foster care for babies, so you might want to PM her.
My cousin and her DH adopted a baby via private adoption 1 year ago today! It is an open adoption and they've been very happy. I have no idea what it cost, but the agency they went with is the Adoption Law Network (www.adoptionnetwork.com). It is a national agency (they were in NC and got matched with a woman in GA), and is very reputable. It was a long and intense process, not unlike LTTC, but in the end they got their baby!
Best of luck to you guys!


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Old January 28th, 2014, 10:49 AM   #7
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DH and I are licensed foster parents. We have adopted a little guy through international adoption. Now we are preparing to adopt via domestic infant adoption once we pay off our debt from the international adoption. So I am a jack of all trades and master of none I think the saying is, lol.

Now I am going with the normal assumption that by "going through the state" you mean becoming a foster parent with the hopes to adopt. That would make you a "concurrent or foster to adopt" home. Each state calls it something different and several don't allow you to be open just to those cases that look like adoption (called "legal risk"). We are licensed for 4 children ages 0-8yrs old. We have had 6 placements and literally have had every age from 3 days old to 5 years old.

I will admit that we were told before we accepted placement of the 3 day old (before the birth even occurred via scheduled c-section.) that it was not viewed as a possible adoption scenario. This changed multiple times throughout the case though. Even if it had stayed a strictly reunification (RU) case I still don't think handing that precious baby over would have been any easier. That right there, that is the reality that I can't stress enough. There are NO guarantees in when dealing with DCS. Especially if you are wanting to have an infant. In fact DCS sometimes pushes RU even harder with younger children. In my state they warn you that only "minimal safety standards" have to be met to have a child returned. So it doesn't matter if it's best for the child to stay in foster care or not. As long DCS can't prove they are going to be seriously injured or killed they will be reunified with their biological family.

This means you could go years, and have multiple placements, before you ever come close to adopting. You could find yourself having to say goodbye to a child you loved as your own for a year or even two! This could happen multiple times no less.

All this to say becoming foster parents is not the way to go if you want an infant but can't afford domestic infant adoption costs. If you truely think you can handle multiple times a week visitations, constant reminders your not their "real parent," and constantly being told whatever DCS thinks you want to hear truth or not then go for it. There is always a need for more foster parents. Some area's don't have a high need for infant homes but there is always a need for foster parents overall.

Now I realize I sound jaded. I probably am in fact. Truth be told a large part of me is ready to walk away from dealing with the system as a foster parent. Then another part of me can't help but think of all the children we saw that were hurting and the thought that if only for a little while foster care can give them a safe place. So we will do it again. We are not going to accept older then little M. So we will most likey get another infant placement again. So I must not be as jaded as I thought if that makes any sense.

Now in terms of not using daycare they would LOVE that. It means they don't have to pay for it (the state). I know the fact that I am a SAHM is listed on the placement list because in general SAHM's tend to be more flexible in scheduling visits. So I am sure that they would note that you may be easier to schedule visits with. (Some places provide transportation to and from visits but don't count on it.) Really the only things that can cause issues with becoming licensed have to do with criminal activity and even then somethings can be dealt with. Obviously anything with child endangerment is also an automatic no.

Wow this turned into a long post, sorry. One last thing. If you want I am a memeber of an adoption and foster parent support forum. I can PM you the web address if you want to take a look further into it. It's a good way to see some of the issues that fosterparents encounter regularly. There is also a state by state section.


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Old January 28th, 2014, 10:54 AM   #8
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Sorry, I confused MamaT with TurkeyMama! Glad she posted in here because she is a wealth of information!


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