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NicoleBeth's TTCAL Journal - Trying Again: Our Journals

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Old March 24th, 2012, 06:50 PM   #1
NicoleBeth


Member #: 7506
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 5,086
NicoleBeth's TTCAL Journal

Reminder, comments go HERE.

I have been debating for a while whether or not I wanted to start a journal. I tend to be a pretty private person for the most part but lately my thoughts and feelings are getting the best of me. I don't have very many (if any at all) real life friends that have experienced a loss or multiple losses so it's very hard for me to open up and talk to them about it because they just "don't know" and can't relate and if I hear one more of those friends tell me "I totally understand how your feeling" I may flip my lid. Because unless you have been through a loss you DON"T understand and you WONT understand.

With that being said, I honestly didn't think that TTC #2 would be such a struggle. Dylan took us almost 11 months of TTC but since we conceived both of our losses on a whim, I guess I just assumed we wouldn't have an issue trying again right away. And I know that 3 cycles in isn't much but with each passing cycle I find myself struggling more and more and getting more emotional each time.

I am finding myself getting bitter about my friends and their pregnancies and that is so NOT me. I am happy for them, believe me, I am. It's just so hard because I want that happiness for my family too.


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Old March 25th, 2012, 10:30 AM   #2
NicoleBeth


Member #: 7506
Join Date: Feb 2009
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Comments go HERE.

In typical AF fashion and just how FF predicted, I awoke to my period. I almost feel oddly calm about it. I thought I would be more upset but I am trying to have a more positive outlook today and I really think that having a place to write down my thoughts and feelings is a good start.

It is supposed to be a gorgeous day in TN and I think we will be spending it outdoors. Maybe a little fishing and hiking with the family.

Tomorrow I start watching a sweet 4 month old and I am super excited to have a baby in the house again! I know this isn't going to help my baby fever but I think it will be so much fun!


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Old March 27th, 2012, 10:02 AM   #3
NicoleBeth


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Join Date: Feb 2009
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3 days into cycle #3 and I am feeling surprisingly upbeat. DH and I have decided to have fun this cycle and not so much rely on OPK's. I am going to go off the cues my body is giving me and take it from there. I have also decided to jump back on the fitness wagon and started the 30 Day Shred yesterday . It keeps my mind occupied on something other than TTC which is definitely what I need right now.


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Old April 4th, 2012, 09:00 AM   #4
NicoleBeth


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Hello CD11. I had originally said that I wanted a more laid back approach this cycle but not I am not so sure anymore. I received a new shipment of OPK's in the mail yesterday and it's getting closer and closer to the time to start using them and I am pretty sure I am going to cave and use the OPK's. I have them, so I might as well use them. Right?!


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Old April 11th, 2012, 06:13 AM   #5
Carmen27


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Join Date: Apr 2012
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hey hun,

i know this journey is uttttttterly xhausting. but you def have the right frame of mind by keeping busy busy i am in total 2minds. jeez who eva said this baby making business was easy hey!
and if you are a pee on a stick addict you might as well continue with your OPK'S LOL


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Old April 12th, 2012, 10:43 PM   #6
NicoleBeth


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So I caved and used and OPK this morning. Turns out its O day! A whole two days earlier than my pervious 2 cycles. It's a quarter to 10 and I can't sleep because I'm giddy as a school girl after. DH and I just DTD and my mind is now racing. I'm almost positive that tomorrow mornings OPK will be negative so I guess tomorrow will be the start of the 2WW.


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Old April 13th, 2012, 09:12 AM   #7
NicoleBeth


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GAH! I am totally 2nd guessing what I thought was to be a +OPK last night although it definitely looked + to me and this mornings is nowhere near as dark but it's not as - as i'd like it to be either. Maybe it's because I O'd 2 days earlier than the previous 2 cycles. I don't know but it's already driving me nuts. So much for the more laid back approach.


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Old April 16th, 2012, 10:04 AM   #8
NicoleBeth


Member #: 7506
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 5,086
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4DPO today! It was super easy this weekend to stay busy and not think about my cycle at all but here comes Monday and it's like time stands still during the week!


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