Welcome to TMP's trying to conceive, pregnancy & parenting forums!
TTC & Pregnancy Tools: Ovulation Calculator | hCG Calculator | Due Date Calculator
The TMP Store

Preconception, Pregnancy, Parenting & You

Go Back   The Mommy Playbook > TTC - Trying To Conceive Forums > Trying to Conceive After Loss > Trying Again: Our Journals

Amber's TTCAL Journal - Trying Again: Our Journals

Old January 5th, 2012, 08:41 AM   #1
CBear11
Color outside the lines

 
CBear11's Avatar

Member #: 6888
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8,200
Amber's TTCAL Journal

Reminder: For Comments and shout-outs, please go to
Shout-Outs for Amber

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have spent the last few days crying.. a lot. But today, I feel at peace. I am glad that I have the D&C scheduled for Monday. This is my second loss. My first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. The baby had a heartbeat at 7.5 weeks-- that was the hardest part. A few months later, I conceived my son and he is a happy and healthy 2 year old. We decided 7 months ago to try for another. On the 4th cycle, I got my BFP. At 10 weeks, I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. At what would have been 11 weeks, this coming Monday, I will have the D&C.

It's hard to think that this next pregnancy will be my 4th pregnancy. I don't know if I've just had bad luck but I feel optimistic that it will happen again. I dislike that I will be having a second D&C because of the scar tissue it can leave which can cause infertility, but I don't feel like I have another option with my past history-- and the doctor agrees.

I bought 50 pregnancy tests and 50 OPK's so I am armed and ready! I truly believe that being optimistic is the only way, and they best way, for me to move on. I want to make C a big brother and we feel as ready as we can to add to our family-- maybe even more so.

I am getting out today. It is only to grocery shop, but I am ready to step foot out of the house. I have tried as hard as I can to maintain normalcy for C but it is hard. I try my best to reserve my tears for behind closed doors at night. I know I will feel emotionally and physically better once the D&C is over. I hate still feeling "pregnant."

Thank you for reading this. It feels good to have such a strong support system here in the TTCAL forum. The women here are amazing.


__________________


Last edited by CBear11; January 6th, 2012 at 03:25 PM..
CBear11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Please register or login to remove these ads.

Old January 6th, 2012, 08:50 AM   #2
CBear11
Color outside the lines

 
CBear11's Avatar

Member #: 6888
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8,200
Reminder: For Comments please click Here


I woke up today to the worst cramping imaginable. I don't know if there is hope to pass this naturally, but it would be ideal to get this over with on my own. I am spotting brown but it is not enough to fill a pantyliner. When my doctor called me yesterday, she said we will continue with the D&C as long as I am not passing clots. The confusing part to me is that I am not sure whether or not I should pass clots since this was a blighted ovum and no baby. I did not cramp this much with my last miscarriage, but then again I had a have a D&C because my body did not pass everything.

The pain feels consistent with contractions. The pain comes in waves similar to labor with my son. This took me by surprise this morning. I was told the only thing I can take prior to the surgery on Monday is Tylenol. I prefer not to take anything because of the upcoming surgery, but it will be easy to cave in with this pain.

I had a very good day yesterday. I teared up a couple of times but overall felt happy. I spent two hours at Walmart grocery shopping. My son was so good the whole time. It's almost like he knows to be kind to me right now

I am so glad it is Friday. I am hoping to rent "The Help" or something equally appealing and make some homemade popcorn. YUM! The little things to look forward to are making me feel better. Taking it one day at a time is the best I can do right now.

On an exciting note, I am interviewing for a Montessori head teaching position! Of course the director wanted to interview me on Monday, the day of my surgery, but I told her I had obligations early in the week. I asked if she would possibly be available Thursday or Friday. We have been communicating via email so hopefully I have no turned her off by rescheduling. It was not an option to reschedule the upcoming surgery. Keeping my fingers crossed!! Whether or not I get this position, I am happy to have something to look forward to and keep my mind off the loss and upcoming surgery.


__________________


Last edited by CBear11; January 6th, 2012 at 05:40 PM..
CBear11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old January 6th, 2012, 03:26 PM   #3
CBear11
Color outside the lines

 
CBear11's Avatar

Member #: 6888
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8,200
Reminder: For comments please click Here

ETA: Just passed several large clots. The cramping is not as intense now. I was doubled over in pain right before the clots came. I feel very optimistic that I will not need surgery on Monday.

--- --- --- --- ---
I am bleeding heavily now. I called the doctor and she still wants me to go in for the surgery on Monday. Based on what happens through the weekend, she may just hook up an ultrasound to see if I need the surgery or not. Either way, I will be going it to get some closure on Monday. Glad my body seems to be trying to do this on its own!


__________________


Last edited by CBear11; January 6th, 2012 at 05:41 PM..
CBear11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old January 7th, 2012, 09:06 AM   #4
CBear11
Color outside the lines

 
CBear11's Avatar

Member #: 6888
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8,200
Reminder: For comments go Here

I feel really good today! Still bleeding, but not as heavily as yesterday. The cramping is not bad at all. I know I should take it easy today but I really have an itch to paint the "playroom/ future baby room" today. I want to paint it a green color. I'm sure DH will stop me from painting Maybe it's a bad idea.. I'm feeling so good and optimistic.. I kind of feel like I'm waiting for the floor to drop beneath me since things seem to be easier this time around. I am considering this CD number 2 since the bleeding started yesterday. I am hoping I O in 3 weeks at the end of January.

I have some Wondfo HPT's and OPK's on their way! They should be here by Tuesday. I have 50 of each.. woohoo! I had some red wine last night, and oh, how I missed it! Coffee this morning too.


__________________

CBear11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old January 7th, 2012, 06:26 PM   #5
CBear11
Color outside the lines

 
CBear11's Avatar

Member #: 6888
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8,200
Reminder: For Comments go Here

The wondfos should be here monday! According to the tracking number, they arrived at the post office this afternoon. I get my mail in the AM so they are going to have to sit at the local post office this weekend. Booo! I am impatient!

I am debating when I should start using the OPK's this cycle. I think I will start around CD 17 since I usually don't O until after CD 19. I don't know if I O'd after my first m/c or not but I know lots of women do! I am going to tell my OBGYN that I don't plan to wait and see her reaction. Hopefully she will be positive about it. In my past experience, I conceived Collin the cycle after my D&C and everything went well so I fee like I have reason to be positive.

It's another popcorn night-- I am too predictable. Hopefully there is a good movie on TV! Otherwise, I think I will watch one of my DVD's. So glad the weekend isn't over yet! I may even have a beer or two!


__________________

CBear11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old January 8th, 2012, 07:53 AM   #6
CBear11
Color outside the lines

 
CBear11's Avatar

Member #: 6888
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8,200
Reminder: For Comments go Here

Well, tomorrow is the day of the "surgery." I am not convinced that I will need it. I am hoping she does an u/s beforehand and sees that I have passed everything on my own. I am bleeding lightly today.

I will be pretty busy today preparing for my SIL and her kids to come over at 6:30 AM. She has a newborn, a 2 year old, and a 3 year old. I want to make sure I have breakfast and lunch prepared so that she doesn't have to worry about that-- she will have her hands full. She is a very relaxed person and great Mom so I know she will be OK. We will be setting up a bassinet downstairs and a bouncer for her to use for her newborn. The thought of putting that together makes me a little sad but overall, I feel very well.

DH will be with me tomorrow at the hospital. I have to arrive at 7:15 to registration and surgery is scheduled at 8:45. The past week has felt very long and I'm glad to be starting a new week. Glad it's the New Year-- I want to have some new resolutions to set for myself. One of them is being more organized. I have two closets I'd like to clean out when I am feeling well enough; I am looking forward to that. I'd also like to lose 10 pounds. I am looking forward to feeling physically better.


__________________

CBear11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old January 9th, 2012, 04:12 PM   #7
CBear11
Color outside the lines

 
CBear11's Avatar

Member #: 6888
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8,200
Reminder: For comments go Here

I got to the hospital this morning at 7:08. Registration was quick-- I was in a pre-surgery room by 7:30. My doctor was already there before me because she had a surgery scheduled before me and the person never showed up. She was supposed to be tying someones tubes before me but didn't know what happened as far as a no-show. She was in the my room within 15 minutes of me being there and did the ultrasound to see whether or not I still needed the D&C since I passed some clots over the weekend. She saw a think endometrium with clots so she wanted to preform the D&C. Before she stuck the ultrasound wand inside me, she asked if I had my Victoria Secret Hospital panties on I told her my funny story about the last D&C I had where I still had my panties on going into the operating room and my last words before being put to sleep under general anesthesia were "I forgot to take a panties off! She had a good laugh about that.

I woke up about 10 minutes after the procedure was finished. I felt a little bit of cramping and they gave me some pain medication. I felt very heavy and tired-- my head felt so off. I was in recovery for an hour and they monitored my vital signs. I went to a post-op room and DH was there with me. I had a diet coke and some saltine crackers. I was feeling OK until we started heading home. I felt extremely nauseous. I Immediately took some nausea medication when I got home-- I had some from my visit to the ER last week when I went in for the spotting. I stayed in bed for 3 hours before I felt well enough to get up. I checked my email and saw that I have an interview set up for Thursday at a Montessori school 2 miles away from my house. I am really looking forward to the interview on Thursday! If I feel well enough in a couple of days, I plan to go shopping with my Christmas money to get something nice to wear for the interview. My Mommy sweats won't cut it!

My Wondfo HPT's and OPK's arrived today! I think this was the perfect day for them to arrive. I am really looking forward to TTC again. I think I will change my chart to CD 1 starting today. I really want a 2012 baby and I think I have a couple of chances!


__________________

CBear11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old January 10th, 2012, 04:09 PM   #8
CBear11
Color outside the lines

 
CBear11's Avatar

Member #: 6888
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8,200
Reminder: For Comments go Here

I'm feeling so good today! I am spotting a tiny and it's more of a brown color today so it seems to be tapering off

I got an email today from a lady who would like me to watch her kids next week-- they have asked me to be their Nanny Monday-Wednesday after their sister-in-law finds a job-- which hasn't happened yet. I started getting serious a month ago about doing something since I feel the need to give Collin more social interaction with kids. I'm hoping either this Nanny position will open up permanently for me, or I get the Montessori teaching position. YAY for having a couple of things to look forward to!

I went to the store today and bought a bunch of stuff to pamper myself with. I bought some nail-polish, bath salts, and lotion. I can't take a bath for another 6 days, but I am mreally looking forward to a nice soak. I usually don't use lotion since my skin is so sensitive, but I bought some good stuff so hopefully my skin will play nice. My skin has been soo dry so I'm breaking down and giving it a try. I also bought some red wine-- I figure that this will be my last day this month to drink. I am also trying to get in better shape! I plan to workout in the AM since I am feeling so good post-surgery.

I am about to make some spaghetti for dinner-- I also made some bread today so that should be yummy! I got a mixer for Christmas and I have been having fun making more bread with it.

I am feeling so hopeful and thankful today for all that I have.


__________________

CBear11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Tags
amber's, journal, ttcal
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Forum Jump


   

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:32 PM.