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No longer trying to work with other parent - Stepmoms & Blended Families

Old February 26th, 2015, 07:08 PM   #1
Pumpkin Pie
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No longer trying to work with other parent

Long story short, I am no longer speaking to my step son's mother since she called CPS on us and essentially threatened my children. She wouldn't even admit to it being her (we know for 100% fact it was, unfortunately), which is just cowardly at best.

I really tried to make it work for my step son because I know how great it was for everyone to get along when I was growing up in a broken family and how i am able to get along with my oldest son's dad and his (now ex) gf for 14 years made it a lot easier on the kids (mine and theirs).

I always think of the kids over myseld and put myself in the other parents shoes and I thought we had a good understanding but she apparently had all these problems with us she didn't tell us about, which were not even varified by her by coming in to our home or anything and so I have no time to deal with underhandedness like that.

I'm a good mother, I keep a clean home, I cook 3 meals a day, look after my kids, save money, I don't waste resources, I clothe, feed and wash the kids, I look out for all of them, including my step son and it is ME that keeps the ship running at my house and I do it because I care.

She genuinely can't believe that we could possibly be good, decent people because she is so wrapped up in how terrible she thinks her ex (my hubs) is, even though it has been 10/11 years since they were together

It is a real shame, but I feel so much better cutting my ties even though I wish she had realized how much I genuinely didn't mind her and I genuinely cared about not offending her and I genuinely did everything I could at her a=request when SHE thought something was wrong.

No more bending over backwards, no more interaction, no more can I endeavor to make a connection with someone who is clearly just trying to keep their enemies (me) closer, even though I had no ill feeling towards her as such to start becasue I wasn't the one who dated her so it didn't matter to me. She really lost a good thing here.

I guess the point in my post is that sometimes it doesn't matter how good your intentions are, it still might end up with you sitting there wondering why you bothered.


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Old February 26th, 2015, 07:16 PM   #2
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That sounds incredibly frustrating, and I can't imagine having to tiptoe around someone like that all the time.


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Old February 27th, 2015, 10:37 AM   #3
Pumpkin Pie
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Yeh,it was getting ridiculous. She has been going on and on about my step son getting bitten at our house, which none of my other kids have been and they live here, i've had pest control in to check and nothing was found, i've turned my house upside down and changed laundry detergents and other bs over the years and it seems to have stopped on its own so I am willing to be he just has some weird skin issues ilke my daughter who randomly bursts out in all-over hives once in a blue moon! When he got head lice she called us and told us we gave him headlice - never mind that my kids aren't even school age yet and don't really visit anyone yet my step son is in school with hundreds of other kids, couldn't possibly have come from school, like most incidences where kids pick them up, no?

Then there were other silly things like her talking down to my husband in front of everyone at soccer games, which I honestly don't even think she realizes she's doing but she does have a very condecending tone and then the soccer games themselves were ridiculous because she always signed up my step son for soccer on our weekends so my husband lost the time he got to spend with him, but (again) we went with it to appease her and because we thought maybe it would be good for my step son, who it turns out would rather throw stones into a corn field than play soccer and I am glad those games finally stopped cause we were not going to go to any more and waste more precious time.

Then there were complaints about us smoking around him - for starters I don't smoke and my oldest son is 18 and he doesn't smoke, he actually has asthma and so I don't even allow smoking in my apartment and the hubs only smokes in the basement or out on the porch, so nothing smells of smoke - crap, he has stopped smoking so much over the years and he can't even smoke at work so he really has cut down, but the ex even complained to the CPS about smoking around my step son on her list of complaints - this is AFTER a conversation we had where I told her no one in my apt smokes around the kids and he only smokes in the basement and my step son turned to her and said "I told you!" - clearly she's asked him this a lot and doesn't believe him, or me, but the CPS worker could clearly see how things were in our apt - something the ex could have done if she'd just asked to come in instead! I would have had no problem with her checking out his room or anything like that, like i'm not 12, I'm an adult and I always went into my son's dads house when I visited so it is no big deal to me! Not now , though, the ex can stay away from me, I don't need to deal with the negativity and dance around the bs.

I always tried really hard, and no good deed goes unpunished. I know my dog scratched my step son, and that was her ticket to call CPS , but we had my dog quarantined at home in correspondence with the animal rescue league and animal control did not want to take further action because it wasn't a bite. She couldn't deal with this and told everyone it was a vicious dog attack, called CPS etc and even the CPS worker wasn't worried about my dog and neither were animal control or the shelter yet WE gave up our dog who was like a child to us, for her because SHE used my step son against my husband and even my step son wanted the dog back and has had some sad dreams where he missed the dog and my daughter just cries about it all the time.

I will never be able to forgive her for what she put us through over Xmas, I won't forgive her for what she did to my children and I can't even imagine WHY she told my step son that CPS were taking my children (that's what he came to my house worrying about and he was VERY worried!!).

She gives us his meds in unmarked boxes which the CPS told us we couldn't do then when we pursued that with her she still refused then gave us empty containers and the pills still in the boxes, like WTF, if a drug dealer is driving down the road and had illegal drugs on him, but happened to have an emtpy RX on him, it doesn't magically make the pills legal.

Just so much drama an dumb highschool crap. I am far too old and my kids don't need it.She *****ed about our crap car to my step son, but that car was awesome and fit all the kids in and we didn't have a car payment, so what's the big deal? I don't care if you feel embarrassed my OUR car just cause you have 4 new ones of your own!

She doesn't even work so she doesn't even contribute money to my step son, now, she lives off her husband and us. But it's alright, enjoy it while it lasts cause in 7 years she won't be in our money and we can live a normal life - maybe actually afford normal things like everyone else, too.


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Old February 27th, 2015, 10:47 AM   #4
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Most people would be thankful to have a dad who pays for his kid, works hard at all hours of the day and goes without to make sure that kid gets what he needs, plus medical insurance and visits with him! Crap, he even let her remove the middle name he gave his son, when she asked! He really bends over for her and she doesn't appreciate it at all because she is determined to think he is the same 23 year old he was when they broke up.


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