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At the end of each day... - June 2013 Playgroup

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Old March 10th, 2014, 10:00 PM   #1
tiffnyloo


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At the end of each day...

At the end of each day as a mommy I find myself feeling bittersweet and somewhat melancholy. I feel like I love being a mom, but I think to myself every night, Did I love him enough? Did I look him in the eyes enough? Did I talk to him enough? Did I 'cherish every moment,'as the time passes so so fast etc. etc.

Sometimes I mention this feeling to DH and he says I have a 'guilt complex' I don't feel guilty I just want to do right by this little creature.

I know I can't be alone in this. How do you feel once your LO is in bed. Do you just forget about it all or can you relate?


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Old March 11th, 2014, 01:41 AM   #2
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At the end of each day I'm filled with gratitude. I think back to all the times in my life I dreamed about being a mommy. I think about how lucky I am that I was able to conceive and have a healthy baby. I think about how lucky I am to be able to stay home with my baby. I think about how much I love this little boy and I can't get over the fact that I made him and grew him inside my body. I just feel so lucky and so grateful. I don't dwell or worry too much about my interactions with him unless something happened where he hurt himself or was extra fussy. If something like that happened I wonder what I could've done differently.

One of my favorite moments of each day is when I put warner down for a nap or to bed. He falls asleep and I'm holding him. I look down at his sleeping body, his resting peaceful face. I know he feels safe and comfortable and I just want to soak up that moment and bottle it up. I love him so much that I can't even fathom having any love left for another child. But I've heard people say that before.

I reflect a lot. I do try to take it all in and love today. Yes it can be hard, my sleep suffers, I'm unable to go out at night or ride my horses whenever I want. There's a lot of sacrifices made as a parent. But I don't want to miss a single second. I don't want to ever look back and feel like I didn't enjoy this journey. Because I do enjoy it. I love it. I love watching my baby grow while simultaneously never wanting him to grow up.

Motherhood is beautifully overwhelming


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Old March 11th, 2014, 08:42 AM   #3
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I tend to feel a bit like Tiff on this one...I can be a perfectionist and that's where that mentality comes from for me. Wanting to make sure I'm the best mom I can be. But Laura, your post made me teady-eyed! And holdingLate as she's going to sleep or getting drowsy is my favorite too!


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Old March 11th, 2014, 05:38 PM   #4
tiffnyloo


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Even though I am a perfectionist, I actually think my melancholy that settles over me has more to do with me facing my own mortality. That sounds weird, but as I see Lawson almost literally growing and changing before my very eyes. I feel as if I will blink and he'll be a man. I'll blink again and my time on this earth will be over.

I have a strong faith and belief in what I feel will happen after I die, but that doesn't change the fact that all of my concrete experience is of this life, and these moments. It gives me an increasing desire to live life to the fullest and with deeper meaning (as I waste time on the computer, that's ironic). Anyway, not sure if that explains my feelings better. It's a bit of a sad feeling, but also a desire to change and grow and not let a single moment slip by.


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Old March 11th, 2014, 05:42 PM   #5
tiffnyloo


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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWolfe View Post
Motherhood is beautifully overwhelming
That probably sums up all of my feelings.


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Old March 11th, 2014, 05:45 PM   #6
tiffnyloo


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Becoming a mother has changed me in so many ways. I am a much more emotional creature. It's as if there was a tough shell around my heart accumulated over the years to protect myself from hurts, but after becoming a mother I feel as if my heart is exposed.


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Old March 11th, 2014, 06:10 PM   #7
ChickenQueen
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffnyloo View Post
Becoming a mother has changed me in so many ways. I am a much more emotional creature. It's as if there was a tough shell around my heart accumulated over the years to protect myself from hurts, but after becoming a mother I feel as if my heart is exposed.
This 100%!


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Old March 11th, 2014, 06:19 PM   #8
Benjamin'sMommy

 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWolfe View Post
At the end of each day I'm filled with gratitude. I think back to all the times in my life I dreamed about being a mommy. I think about how lucky I am that I was able to conceive and have a healthy baby. I think about how lucky I am to be able to stay home with my baby. I think about how much I love this little boy and I can't get over the fact that I made him and grew him inside my body. I just feel so lucky and so grateful. I don't dwell or worry too much about my interactions with him unless something happened where he hurt himself or was extra fussy. If something like that happened I wonder what I could've done differently.

One of my favorite moments of each day is when I put warner down for a nap or to bed. He falls asleep and I'm holding him. I look down at his sleeping body, his resting peaceful face. I know he feels safe and comfortable and I just want to soak up that moment and bottle it up. I love him so much that I can't even fathom having any love left for another child. But I've heard people say that before.

I reflect a lot. I do try to take it all in and love today. Yes it can be hard, my sleep suffers, I'm unable to go out at night or ride my horses whenever I want. There's a lot of sacrifices made as a parent. But I don't want to miss a single second. I don't want to ever look back and feel like I didn't enjoy this journey. Because I do enjoy it. I love it. I love watching my baby grow while simultaneously never wanting him to grow up.

Motherhood is beautifully overwhelming
This!


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