So this morning I woke up to the sounds of Wild Kingdom on the Discovery channel. Cameron often times gets up before me in the mornings and will sit and watch TV so he does not disturb me and I can sleep longer till my alarm goes off. So as I woke up I could hear the program, and I realized the feature was about baby cubs in the wild and how they fight play to learn how to hunt. Fascinating I thought. What a great educational program he picked. He found something not only interesting but was learning about animals and basic instincts. Yeah…so not the case.
Now before anyone gets over excited about the educational choice my oldest son made in programming this morning, perhaps I should clarify a few small details to all of you. When I walked out I realized it was not in fact the television that had roused me from my slumber…and it was not two baby cubs I heard snarling and scrambling on the floor. The Wild Kingdom was in fact my two kids having it out like wild animals on my living room floor. It never ceases to amaze me that my children can not go longer then two seconds before they are attacking, hitting, yelling and basically trying to find male dominance in our home. Is this basically a male based testosterone issue that I need to become used to? Or is it a sibling issue that would be occurring no matter what?
As it seems I am in fact dealing with sibling issues I found these great suggestions on how to handle them as they arise in your own home.
Helping Kids Get Along
Simple things you can do every day to prevent fighting include:
- Set ground rules for acceptable behavior. Tell the kids that there’s no cursing, no name-calling, no yelling, no door slamming. Solicit their input on the rules — as well as the consequences when they break them. This teaches kids that they’re responsible for their own actions, regardless of the situation or how provoked they felt, and discourages any attempts to negotiate regarding who was “right” or “wrong.”
- Don’t let kids make you think that everything always has to be “fair” and “equal” — sometimes one kid needs more than the other.
- Be proactive in giving your kids one-on-one attention directed to their interests and needs. For example, if one likes to go outdoors, take a walk or go to the park. If another child likes to sit and read, make time for that too.
- Make sure kids have their own space and time to do their own thing — to play with toys by themselves, to play with friends without a sibling tagging along, or to enjoy activities without having to share 50-50.
- Show and tell your kids that, for you, love is not something that comes with limits.
- Let them know that they are safe, important, and needed, and that their needs will be met.
- Have fun together as a family. Whether you’re watching a movie, throwing a ball, or playing a board game, you’re establishing a peaceful way for your kids to spend time together and relate to each other. This can help ease tensions between them and also keeps you involved. Since parental attention is something many kids fight over, fun family activities can help reduce conflict.
- If your children frequently squabble over the same things (such as video games or dibs on the TV remote), post a schedule showing which child “owns” that item at what times during the week. (But if they keep fighting about it, take the “prize” away altogether.)
- If fights between your school-age children are frequent, hold weekly family meetings in which you repeat the rules about fighting and review past successes in reducing conflicts. Consider establishing a program where the kids earn points toward a fun family-oriented activity when they work together to stop battling.
- Recognize when kids just need time apart from each other and the family dynamics. Try arranging separate play dates or activities for each kid occasionally. And when one child is on a play date, you can spend one-on-one time with another.
Keep in mind that sometimes kids fight to get a parent’s attention. In that case, consider taking a time-out of your own. When you leave, the incentive for fighting is gone. Also, when your own fuse is getting short, consider handing the reins over to the other parent, whose patience may be greater at that moment.
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/sibling_rivalry.html##
I remind myself everyday that I will survive parenting, and my children WILL come out on the other side ok. I keep reminding myself that learning is good, change is good, and learning to take a stand for yourself is good. I just hope they don’t kill each other during this stage of life called childhood.
May 13th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
this is what I have to look forward too lol I am doomed!! Great advice though!
May 15th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Great read! I remember us having family meetings for awhile. It did seem to stave off the fighting (5 kids) for awhile.