and that babies don’t come with owner manuals.
On this Mother’s Day, I started reflecting back on that first moment I realized I was a mother. Many might think it was when I gave birth. Nope. Or that it was when Cameron first smiled or accomplished something as he grew and developed. No, not that either. It was not something he did that brought a smile to my face or a tear to my eye that brought me to the realization of motherhood. The moment I realized I was a mother was wrought with pure fear and panic. It was filled with me wanting to throw myself into a corner in a fetal position of my own. You see…the first moment I realized I was a mother, was in fact at the hospital when they decided to threaten me by telling me I was free to leave. I was wrapping Cameron up in his cute “going home” outfit when the nurse walked in. To be honest, I was playing dress up in my mind with this ADORABLE baby they had put in my charge. The one they took away so I could sleep, the one they helped me feed and helped me change. The one I was not entrusted to bath by myself at first without help. Ahh…the joys of delusional thinking. Well that was shattered as I placed Cameron into his car seat and took my time adjusting the straps. A smile of a happy delusional lunatic on my face. It was bliss and I was in a happy place all my own.
Then the nurse walked in and stated we were free to go. *shriek* that was the sound of the needle scratching against the record player as the music in my mind came to a halt. My head turned REAL slow as I looked at this nurse as if to ask “are you NUTS? You are going to let me take this LIFE home with me?” She smiled reassuringly at me and left the room. I started to sweat…I started to hyperventilate and I backed away from Cameron. All I could think at this moment was “oh NO. I really AM a mother. Where is the OWNERS MANUAL???” Full onset panic filled me and I didn’t know how we were going to make it through the first day alone. No nurses, no one to grab my breast without telling me their names, no more sleep breaks where they took the baby for me. I was on my own now. I was going to have to BATHE him in WATER by myself! Freaking out and scared out of my mind, I realized that babies really do not come with instructions. Anyone can have one, and no one really tells you HOW to have one. I mean you get a user manual for everything these days. Why not for babies? In that moment, I realized I was in way over my head and I was scared about being a mom, making mistakes and the impact they would have over this little person I had helped bring into the world.
The more I thought about it though after my momentary panic, all babies come with manuals. You just need to sort through them and apply them as you see fit as a parent. There are manuals for how to feed them, how to diaper them, how to hold them or not hold them. They have manuals on where to sleep with them or NOT to sleep with them. To let them cry or to hold them close. We are inundated as mothers with information on just what to do or not to do to ensure our babies grow up normal. The thing is though…all those manuals can cause great guilt, anxiety and stress in a new mother. How are we to know which theory or manual is correct? How are we to know that one choice we make will ensure we raise a healthy well rounded child? Will the choices made result in latter therapy? All these manuals are written by people, and people interpret them the way they see fit. Mothers all over the world are allowed to bring these young fragile lives home, and we are entrusted with their care, their development and education. The hospitals trust us more then we trust our own instincts. We as mothers just have to make the best choices based on the information we have that we can.
I think the most important lesson I have learned from being a mother is that despite all the owners’ manuals that are out there; we are in this on our own. We need to make choices that work for us and our children. Children have lived for generations and have been raised in an array of manners. I don’t think there is one right way to raise a baby. I do however think that the way WE choose to raise our child is the right way. As mother’s we should write our own user manuals and know they are always a work in progress as our children grow and develop and become their own person based on the love, caring and support they received from us. No one ever said being a mother would be easy. However we don’t have to make it harder on ourselves then need be. There will always be plenty of time to worry about schools, friends, if vaccinating them made it so they can not be President of the USA. All these things will come with time and many of the choices we make for our children are based on loving care. The main thing I feel every manual needs in it is that one simple instruction. “No matter what you decided to do for your child base the choice in love and everything will work out just fine.”
