Over the years, especially as a young mother, I’ve been given a lot of advice on parenthood, some of it from people that were not even parents at the time, some of it from seasoned pros. Some of it was bad, some good, some just laughable. Here I share the eight best of the best pieces of advice I have received over the past 12 years.
Good advice-tip 1: This piece of advice has been wonderful, especially parenting a toddler and a “strong willed” child. Do not offer options where there are none, but give them options when available to allow them to exert some control during those crucial times when they are so dependent but yet so independent. For example, if you have made spaghetti for dinner don’t ask your child if they want to eat spaghetti. Instead, give them the option of choosing which fork they’d like to use or what they would like to drink. You may also want to consider narrowing down options to two or three different things and letting them pick from that. Another example, “Would you like apple juice or milk with dinner?” or “Do you want to wear your sneakers or sandals today?” Wording things in that particular manner, and offering my children options has greatly reduced miscommunication and frustration on both sides.
Good advice-tip 2: There is no one right away to do anything…what works for one person, one child, or one family may not work for another. The second you have a noticeable baby belly until your children are adults people will automatically assume that what works for them will work for you and that you want to hear it. Like I said earlier this post some advice is great, some advice is horrible, and some advice while great is just not right for our family. The next time someone offers your advice tell them you’ll consider it and thank them but do not feel the least bit guilty if after thought and consideration you determine it’s just not right for you.
Good advice-tip 3: Kids pick up on parent’s feelings and reactions and will determine how they should act by how you are acting. If your child falls on the playground chances are the first thing they do is look at you (make note of this out next time). If you gasp, run over to them, ask them frantically if they’re ok, and freak out because they’ve skinned their knee and it’s bleeding chances are they will too. You don’t want to over dramatize the situation so that every time they get a little scrape they act like it’s the end of the world. Nor do you want to hinder your child’s life lesson on how to self-sooth and cope. The best thing to do is remain calm on the outside, even if your heart is racing a mile a minute and support your child as best you can. Remaining calm will help to keep your head on your shoulders enabling you to do the very best for your child. I have found that talking in a low, calm voice does wonders for kids going through anything from scrapes to stitches.
Good advice-tip 4: You can’t protect your kids from everything, but you can give them the tools they need to avoid some mistakes. You can also teach how to work through those “bad circumstances” successfully and with good judgment. You may not allow your child to hang out with certain kids you have determined are not a good influence hoping that that will help them avoid many of the pitfalls of the teenage years (remember those?) but what happens when the peer pressure comes from one of their closest friends? Telling them certain people are off limits is good, giving them the knowledge and tools they need to tell their BFF “No, I don’t want to try that cigarette” is even better.
Good advice-tip 5: You’re not perfect, your significant other isn’t perfect, your kids aren’t perfect. Don’t expect perfection, expect mistakes…discuss, apologize or forgive, move on. Life is a growing and learning experience. We all have things we now know we coulda, woulda, shoulda done. Beating up ourselves doesn’t help, it only creates more stress for all those affected. Thinking things over, discussing them, admitting the mistake, and using it as a learning experience will help to ensure it won’t happen again.
Good advice-tip 6: When you’re unsure what is best to do do nothing. I don’t know about you but I regret more things that I have done than those that I haven’t done. When I’m really struggling with something or when I want to make the best decision I can I do not make a split second decision but instead sleep on it. It’s amazing how much less pressure I feel knowing I have time to think, how clearly things are when you don’t allow yourself to make rash decisions, and how much less guilt you feel.
Good advice tip 7: Greatly reduce how often you say “NO.” The more you say no, the more your child hears it, the more frustrated you both get. Your child, especially the younger ones, learn about life by doing and exploring. Your child needs to be safe to explore their world without being told no or shunned time and time again. On that same note do not hesitate to say no (and loudly) if your child is doing something that could put them or someone else in harm’s way. Remove them from the situation but offer yourself a less frustrating alternative and your child a safe alternative when possible. You kid loooves to drum pots and pans but the noise makes you want to scream? Save your ears and give them a wooden spoon and plastic bowls. You child seems bound and determined to climb up the bookcase? Child proof the room and take them to the playground to expel that energy. Your child tries to break your grasp and make a run for it while walking through a parking lot? Stop them immediately, tell them no, and simply state why and why it’s not up for negotiation.
Good advice-tip 8 : Cherish your children. They grow so fast… cherish every moment, even the not so good ones and you’ll never regret it.
