When I was first diagnosed with complete placenta previa as soon as I got home I hopped on the internet for a consultation with Dr. Google.
Big mistake!
From the “experts” I got nothing but generic information…I knew the definitely of placenta previa and risks inside and out before I was done, and from everyone else more horror stories than hope. Dr. Google was clear, placenta previa, especially complete previa as in our case, meant my baby and I were a breath away from dire emergency at every moment. And he mentioned quite a bit I should prepare myself for bleeding, which if I was lucky would be mild that may or may not stop, and if I wasn’t… uncontrollable hemorrhaging that would lead to a pre-term emergency c-section for Baby and a blood transfusion for me. Pushing my chair back from the computer I was scared out of my mind and my body was responding with a heavy chest, shaking, and tears.
How could the two of us possible be OK after everything Dr. Google had stated? I needed something, some small inkling of hope that we would be healthy and safe…Where were the statistics for bleeding vs. not bleeding, or preterm births vs. term births? I was sure there had to be at least a handful of happy endings out there, but where were they? Fear was so prominent it swarmed all around me like the night sky. Hope was one star in that sky, ever so small and seemingly so far away, but shimmering none the less.
I had to do something. I couldn’t let all the horror and negativity break me. I had to keep moving forward, keep living, and hoping, not just for the baby growing inside of me, but for the rest of my family as well. I couldn’t live the next several months just existing-a shell of a person- waiting for something bad to happen.
I decided to take that small but shimmering star of hope and run with it. It was is that one star of hope shimmering in that dark night sky that has gotten me through the last four months. Thanks to hope I first tallied off days then weeks going from 18 weeks to 36 weeks. Hope has shown me to celebrate the little things, and be thankful for everything.
According to Dr. Google making it this far without complications of complete placenta previa is the minority, but talking to real world women it’s truly not. It’s like in I, Robots when Will Smith says “…they’re just lights and clockwork.”
In your face Dr. Google! We’ve made it this far thanks to hope and real world insight from real women.
December 10th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Oh my goodness! That is so inspiring!